Unfortunately in today’s society, there is an attitude toward marriage problems which instead of trying to save the marriage, goes like this: If it doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced
First of all, what an awful negative, self-centred attitude. Secondly, believe me, divorce is a traumatic experience not all that dissimilar to a death in the family. Thirdly it leaves deep scars and feelings of failure. Moreover if children are involved, despite divorce being all too common, they carry the stigma and devastation through to adulthood. (Unfortunately, I have been there, done that – ask my kids about the lasting effects)
So, if you are experiencing marital problems then I strongly urge you to do everything you can to save your marriage. There are a number of steps you take, starting now.
Resolve to solve the problems affecting your relationship. Think about any success which you have experienced. You achieved this because of your determination to achieve. Now, with the most important relationship in trouble, you require the same determination that you will succeed. Failure is simply not an issue.
Persuade your other half to adopt the same attitude. Bear in mind the old adage, It takes 1 to make war, but 2 to make peace. You cannot do this on your own. You need the same desire to overcome your who pays closing costs in a divorce problems from your partner. A successful pays closing outcome costs requires the divorce best efforts of both parties
List each’s expectations of one another and the marriage. One of the aspects of marriage which is not pays realised closing costs by divorce most people is that marriage is an arrangement, sometimes spoken, but mostly not. It is an unspoken deal whereby I will be responsible for this and you will take care of that. Unless these expectations are verbalized – clearly, disappointments and disillusion can set in when what we have expected does not materialise. Or if you have not done this before, now is the time to set the matter right. Both you and your spouse should make a list of what you expect from one another.
Each partner should prepare a list of the problems. It is possible that some of the problems which besets your marriage or relationship stems from the expectation failure. In any event both partners should make a list of the problems which are bedevilling the marriage. Stick to; say three of the most pressing as seen by each spouse. And remember perceptions are the truth to the perceiver.
Calmly discuss (not argue about) the three most pressing problems on each one’s list Again I must remind you that what you partner believes is not necessarily the same as what you perceive. At all costs, don’t argue about these but set out to solve the perception.
Seek reliable and proven counselling. It really is most difficult to sort out your mutual problems by yourselves. You are just too close to the difficulties. If you are unable to see a way around the problems then you should seek help. Experienced counselling will undoubtedly help, but it is not unusual that one or neither partner fancies going to a marriage counsellor. Thank goodness there are alternatives. (see my recommendation at the end of this article)
Work at it. Once more perceptions get in the way, but without accepting these, success becomes very difficult. But a determination to solve the marriage problems is important and you need to apply dedication and stamina. If you do so you will succeed. And success at overcoming your marriage problems will be one of the most rewarding efforts you have ever made.