Porter County Indiana Divorce

I was recently served a subpoena to testify at a deposition in a custody dispute with a former client. As a Psychologist my primary ethical responsibility is to protect the confidentiality of my client, therefore I was forced to hire my own attorney porter to assist county me with indiana the divorce legal implications involved in refusing to comply with a subpoena. Luckily, I have managed to avoid this type of scenario so far in my practice, but I am well aware of the pain and devastation involved. As I proceed in navigating my way through the ins and outs of this legal issue, I cannot stop myself from thinking about the child.
Quite a few years ago I participated in a training program designed to educate attorneys and psychologists on the benefits of collaborative divorce- an amicable process that bypasses the financial strain, emotional devastation and logistical challenges of a more traditional adversarial divorce. This particular approach appeals to me for the important benefits it can offer my clients, and it resonates with me on a very deep personal level as well. Many years ago I was a child of divorce myself, caught between the natural storms of adolescence and the blinding pain of a family torn apart by anger and bitterness. After weeks of pressure to show up in court and learn the truth, I found myself sitting in the back row of a courtroom, alone at the tender age of 16, observing as my parents verbally tore each other apart. For exactly whose benefit was this? I vowed to never hurt my future children the way I had been hurt. As a psychologist I celebrate the opportunity to make a positive difference by educating my clients on the many benefits of cooperative parenting through separation and divorce.
Every child needs his parents. Plain and simple. Perhaps this is stating the obvious, but it is a reality that is far too often overlooked. Young children derive safety and comfort from observing their parents present a united front and work towards a common goal. Older children and adolescents develop a solid identity and sense of self by witnessing parents who respect, honor and consider one another’s perspectives and viewpoints. As adults, we are constantly influenced by the subconscious prototypes of significant relationships that we inherited from our parents long ago. Staying married is not a prerequisite for cooperative parenting, and there is truth to the old saying, it is better to come from a broken home than a home that is broken. In fact, some of the healthiest parenting alliances I have seen have been with divorced couples who managed to maintain a productive and healthy relationship for the benefit of their children. My husband and his ex wife are a good example. Through the years, they joined forces at important occasions and life events, like birthdays and graduations, allowing my stepson to maintain a sense of consistency and predictability in his life. The greatest prognostic indicator of a child’s ability to adjust following divorce is the quality of the parental relationship.
It breaks my heart to witness my client’s ongoing custody battle. Both parents are genuinely good people who clearly love and want the best for their child. Both have made mistakes along the way, as all parents do. Despite their individual flaws and vulnerabilities and the dissolution of their marriage, they still share a very special gift- the gift of porter a county child who indiana desperately divorce needs their love and support. I often tell my clients, a family does not cease to be a family following a divorce. Divorce presents a radical shift and re-organization of the family system, however, whether we like it or not, that system prevails.
In my practice I have witnessed opposite ends of the spectrum- children who continue to thrive and prosper following divorce and children whose lives are torn apart by ongoing conflict and turmoil. The answer lies in the emotional maturity level of the parents involved, and their willingness to set aside their own agendas for the sake of their children. Many parents tend to forget that it takes two to tango. When one parent refuses to cooperate or insists on clinging to anger and hatred like a stubborn dog with a bone, the other parent still has a choice in how to respond. I am constantly reminding parents that they don’t have to engage with a partner’s hostility, in fact, this is a surefire way to keep it going. Many times when people are porter county still indiana grieving the divorce loss of a marriage, they cling to their anger because it is the only way they can think of to maintain a sense of connection with a former spouse. Grief in general tricks us into thinking that if we release the anger and pain, we will lose a piece of ourselves in the process. This is the farthest thing from the porter truth, county because indiana anger divorce and bitterness takes us as far away from our true self as we can possibly get, while forgiveness and love brings us back to the essence of who we are. Parents who make a decision to move past the anger and resentment following divorce not only spare their children years of heartache and turmoil, they also save themselves in the process.
My client is a good person with a kind and loving heart who has fallen victim porter to the county indiana legal divorce system and the emotional wreckage that often goes hand in hand with a failed marriage. She loves her child deeply and looks out for his safety and well being, but even so, she faces the very real risk of a prolonged separation from her young son. Should this happen, in the end, it will be the child who suffers the most.
As a therapist there is not a darn thing porter I county indiana divorce can do about nasty custody battles, aside from fighting vigorously to protect the privacy privileges of the therapeutic relationship as it is written in South Carolina law and consistently reminding my clients that they have a choice as to whether or not they will engage in the anger bitterness. I certainly can remind my clients to keep their eyes on the ball- the safety and well being of the child- but at the end of the day, the child’s fate lies in their hands.
Remember, it is the blood of both parents that runs through a child’s veins. When one parent falls under attack the child perceives it as an assault on a part of his own self. For this reason alone, parents should refrain from entering into the toxic grasp of a high conflict divorce. Anger breeds more anger, and once the fight begins it is very difficult to step on the brakes and restore peace and benevolence. Children are the helpless victims of high conflict divorce. When parents enter into the toxic grasp of anger, bitterness and resentment, they bring the child along with them. There are many parents in the world who would risk their lives to protect their children from harm, and yet, when they are blinded by the porter county indiana divorce raging storms of a high conflict divorce, they are literally tearing their children apart inside. No child enjoys being placed in a loyalty bind or being forced to align with one parent against the other. For children, this is a slow spiritual death and an agonizing dilemma. Therapists like me can certainly help, but only if the parents are willing to listen. The good news is, it takes two people to engage in a nasty divorce and it is never too late to save the soul of a helpless child.

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