Jim was not happy. He thought that the sixteen years that he had invested in his marriage actually meant something. The he found out that his wife was having an affair with an old high school flame. Whilst there had been some difficulties along the way, he thought that on the whole it had been a good time. Discovering the affair has knocked him into touch, he is unable to think straight, he is not even sure that he owns his own mind any more. No matter what he tries to think about, everything seems to be shrouded in a dark cloud. Understandably he wants to feel happy again, like he thought that he was. But how to do it. When his mind is awash with negativity just how is he supposed to move forward? Jim is not the only one to believe that he was losing his mind. The shock to the system after adultery can bring a person to their knees. But south carolina self-represented litigant simple divorce packets no matter how bad you feel, you have to learn to control your thoughts after the affair.
If you are the spouse who has just found out about the affair, you feel like you have been delivered a massive body blow. It can be even worse. If you are like Jim and you thought that everything in your marriage was running smoothly, then you are faced with the betrayal, after that how do you trust your feelings again?
After the adultery comes to light, you as the victim could feel like you are going crazy. You will be desperate to know why it happened, but for the moment it is beyond your comprehension. As you try to come to grips with what has happened how to you regard things like truth, honesty, the sanctity of marriage? You have to learn to control your thoughts after the affair otherwise it will wreck your life.
Do you get plagued with these thoughts? I do not think that this marriage will be able to take the strain for much longer. I just cannot bear to look at them, the thought of touching them makes my skin crawl. What does their adulterous partner have that I do not? Are they better looking? Do they have a better job, more money? Is it because I put some weight on? Have I spent too much time with the kids and not enough time with my spouse?
The negative thoughts that the victim endures tends to be a mix about themselves, the cheater,and the marriage. After adultery everything becomes defined in relation to the adultery.
As the victim you, understandably, become fixated on needing to know all the details, that is only natural. Your constant thinking on the affair will create images in your mind. These images become a magnet for all your negative thinking, which can reach the stage where the images plague you day and night.
Until you are able to take action against your thoughts you will continue to be plagued by them. Whilst part of you rejects them, a part of you also is compelled to revisit these thoughts again and again, it is a bit like a negative thought loop. Escaping from you negative thought loops will not happen overnight, and as you try to break your way out you will probably still have some lapses. It will take time, but you can work your way through all this and regain control of your mind again.
At the moment you are not living anything resembling a life. No matter what you read or who you listen to, you are the only one who can take action to regain your mind. The worst thing is, is that you are the victim in all of this, and yet you are the one who is going through the most pain. Your spouse betrayed you and now you can find no peace from their betrayal. Okay, the past has been and gone, there is nothing that you can do to change it. What you can do is not to let this beat you and start south building carolina your future self-represented by taking litigant control simple divorce of packets your thoughts. I wish there was, but there is no quick fix to this mess. Negative thoughts are like weeds, if you cannot keep them under control then they can overwhelm you. But if you are ready and willing to change then you can beat them back. Before you can begin work on healing your marriage you have to be able to protect yourself. It will be a long, long time before you are able to fully trust your spouse again. Although saying that, the chances are that you will have to begin the healing before they have regained your full trust. When you are ready, there are a couple of steps that you can take to regain control of your mind.
Start of by tracking your thoughts and learn to identify the triggers for the negative ones. For example, if you wanted to lose weight you would track what you ate. If you tracked what you ate then you would be able to make some adjustments to your diet.
In order to track and build up a picture and awareness of when and where you are: Less likely to have negative thoughts. More likely to have negative thoughts. Whilst you are south carolina unlikely self-represented litigant simple to south be divorce carolina packets totally self-represented free of litigant simple divorce packets them there must be times in the day when you have almost no negative thoughts.
Next, look for patterns in when you go through negative thought loops. You want to identify the time, place and trigger when your mind gets caught up in a negative thought loop. Are these loops related to specific points in the day? Do they strike when you are trying to get to sleep? Do your thoughts get to you when you are on your daily commute? Or are there other times when you are more susceptible?
Are your negative thought loops activity specific? Are they triggered when you watch a movie or when you are in your favorite restaurant|? Are there other locations or activities where you are vulnerable?
Could it be the case that they are triggered of when you see or hear something? If you see the same type of car that your spouses acquaintance drives, or maybe you come across a divorce story on the T.V? Is there anything else that triggers them?
Once you have identified how and when the negative thought loop patterns are formed, you have to break them. Work out a plan of realistically actionable steps that will help you to break the power of your thought loops.
If the trigger is the time of day, then you need to change your routine for that point. The chances are that you are particularly vulnerable when preparing to go to sleep. So change your bedtime ritual. We all have our particular routines, so do something different. If it happens on your daily commute then it is difficult to escape them, so listen to an audio book. Give your mind fresh images to deal with. It does not really matter what you do, the important thing is that you do something that diverts your attention from your negative thoughts, which will prevent the negative thoughts from forming.
If an activity triggers them of then look at changing that activity. For example if your usual movie genre is disturbing you, then, at least for the foreseeable, switch genres. Again, if you have problems at your favorite restaurant then find a new restaurant to eat at, even if it means going to a different neighbourhood.
Maybe it is a case that random things that you see or hear set you of. That will take more effort because you will need to be constantly alert so that you can fight of the negativity as it tries to take a hold of you. In these cases, what you can do is to use something to deflect your attention. If you see something that triggers your negativity the turn your head in the opposite direction and actively focus your mind on what you see there. Obviously if you are trying, then please make sure that you still pay attention to what is on the road! If you hear something on the radio then switch station, if it is on the T.V then switch channels. When you take positive action to break the pattern you are not just stopping the thoughts from taking hold, you are also reinforcing in your mind that you do not want south negative thoughts.
Unless carolina you self-represented are litigant lucky then simple divorce packets you will not be wholly successful at first. The important thing is that it will help a bit, and then a bit more and bit more. The more that you work at it, the easier it will become. It is always a good idea to build up a store of positive thoughts that you can use to fight of negative one. Let us say that something has triggered a negative image, before it turns into a negative thought loop, be prepared to throw another image at it. By this I mean that you could throw cream pies at it or buckets of whitewash. Or image a bucket of paint (choose whatever color suits you best) and then paint over that image until you have obliterated it. You have to learn to control your thoughts after the affair. It will take time, it will not be easy, you might even take some backward steps. But the more you practice, the more you work at it, the easier it will become.